Winter gardening.

I’ve been thinking a lot about eyebrows lately. That’s what winter will do to you, allow you to think about details you have no time for the rest of the year.

A close friend suggested a few months ago that she’d love to see me do my eyebrows, that it makes “such a difference.” Later that week, a friend who does facials, and is one of the most impossibly fashionable women I know, said she knew EXACTLY who I should see, and that I would LOVE it.

Since I’ve never let another person near my eyebrows, I figured, why not? I don’t cut my own hair, after all. I made the appointment. I nestled into her beautiful chair and had to hide my shock when this extremely glamourous eyebrow person said she wanted me to grow them out.

Grow?

Images of my awkward middle-school years flew by me – bad haircuts, bad blue eyeshadow, badness on every level -- before I grew into my long-haired, freckled, Bonne Bell lip-smackered, Love’s Baby Soft self.

“You used to have a youthful, naturally full brow, and that’s what I’m going for. We can always make them more sleek, if you really want that. But first, let’s let them fill in and go a little wild and see what you have.”

It strikes me as being a lot like gardening, this brow stuff, and when I tell her this she laughs and confesses that it’s satisfying in exactly the same way. And after a few appointments, when I start to see the difference, I realize that her advice is a lot like writing advice.

First you have to go a little wild and see what you have.

How is Teaching like Visiting a Book Club?

Realized recently how similar it feels to visit a book club and teach a writing class. (This comes after back-to-back stints at BackSpace and Philadelphia Writer's Conference, with lots of book club visits, bookstore visits, and a journalling workshop or two . . . Phew. I'm tired. Thinking #bubble bath)

Why the similarities? It's the wonderfully high level of intellectual discourse in some book clubs. The discussions about character, motivation, plotting and symbolism in book clubs like the one I just visited in Staten Island at the Barnes & Noble are as stimulating as anything discussed or taught at a writer's conference.

Which makes me think: should aspiring writers join book clubs, if they can find one that's more focused on books than on cocktails? Yes. Particularly if they want to write women's fiction. If they find the right group, they'll have a built-in focus group for their novel -- and a group that will be proud to have a writer within.

Perfect for the week College Acceptance Letters Arrive . . .

And now, the answer to the question that stymies me whenever I speak to a group of high-school-age writers: “What should I major in if I want to write novels?”


Major in statistics. You’ll learn the odds of getting published are roughly three zillion to one.

Major in economics. You’ll understand why the publishing companies will never put you on a book tour or run an ad for your book in The New Yorker.

Major in law. You can fight Google and everyone else who wants to offer your book as a free download.

Major in journalism. Your future will appear so tenuous your parents will beg you to be a novelist instead.

Major in history. You’ll unearth enough material that you won’t need to invest in research and travel, which you’ll never make back on your advance.

Major in drama. Being rejected during auditions will make being rejected on paper seem like child’s play.

Major in forensics. When you inevitably end up writing for a hack TV crime show, you won’t have to work too hard.

Major in English. That’s what all the English majors would tell you to do.

Major in computer science. You can invent something with a better name than “vook.”

Major in Spanish. It will help your parents understand your Hemingway-esque desire to run with the bulls.

Major in psychology. Trust me --it’s easier to work through daddy issues on the couch than on the page.

Major in Phys Ed. Most first-time authors are attractive and fit. (Oh, don’t tell me you don’t look at those author photos!)

Major in music. Since you’re going to be singing the blues your entire life, you may as well be in tune.

Guest blogging

I'm blogging over at the Liars Club on writing process today. Take a look.

My Popular Post on Writers Block from The Liars Club Blog.

I’m just gonna spit it out: I don’t believe in writer’s block. I believe in L . I believe that L cures most writing problems.

That’s not a typo, that’s an emoticon for Chair. I believe in Chair. I believe in Ass in Chair. To sum up, I believe in uu + L .

There is no other alternative, except maybe L___. (Chaise.)

95 % of so-called writers block is procrastination or perfectionism, or a combination of both. If you are talented, and you think you are stymied by writer’s block, you need to delve into those two issues, which cripple many, many people. But they ain’t writers block.

And the other 5% of writers block is intuition. You know something’s wrong with your book or project, but you’re not sure what, and you can’t move forward until you know. If you are a lazy-ish writer, you should probably ignore it and forge ahead anyway, because you may stop and never begin again. If you are a diligent, non-lazy writer, you should probably do the opposite: force yourself to stop writing, and start thinking. Vow to just ponder your book. Read other books and draw inspiration. Go back to it when you have figured out what’s wrong.

Knowing how to tackle blockages really requires knowing what kind of writer you are. And for many who claim to be blocked, they have to look in the mirror and decide if they are in fact a writer at all.

Because people who write are writers. And people who dream about writing are dreamers. And here’s their emoticon: oo0oo. (head in the clouds, y’know?)

The Liars Club is a highly opinionated and talented author's collective that blogs about the writing life. Read us at www.liarsclubphilly.com

BEA: full of doo-doo?

The Liars Club was happy to restock the Jacob Javits Center with not only books from Dennis Tafoya and Jonathan Maberry, but, ahem, supplies last week. We're blogging this week on the topic of "Best Writing Book I Ever Read". Check it out.