Wednesday, January 8, 2014

New year, new things.

Some people are teachers and some people are learners. I'm a learner. It comes from being a read-the-encyclopedia kid. It comes from being bored a lot. And it extends into my exercise life. I don't think there is a form of exercise or sport that I haven't tried.

I've developed some strong opinions along the way. I love downhill skiing but don't like cross-country. I love to tool around on my bicycle, but HATE being trapped in a room with an instructor screaming at me during a spin class. I don't mind Nautilus machines but HATE other machines, like Pilates Reformers. I would rather be stretched on a rack in a dungeon than do Pilates again. And Pilates mat? I call them "yoga, minus the joy."

An injury plus surgery recently necessitated rethinking my routine. Vinyasa yoga, Nautilus, weight lifting classes, and even TRX classes are all too difficult now. That left Pilates -- NO! Or . . .Barre. Why not, I thought? The pictures look like dance classes! I love dance classes! I love plies, I know first and second and third position, I love music!!

And I guess what? I HATE BARRE. Every instructor, every class, every time of day. HATE THEM ALL.

There are, without fail, 3 kinds of women in the room -- 1) thin, quiet, serious older women 2) thin, quiet, serious younger women and 3) chubby, quiet, serious younger women.

Ah, I see the problem now.


No one speaks. No one smiles.

There is no time for that crap! We are here to perform a dizzying array of weird exercises that don't resemble anything in nature without pausing for anything, even one ounce of fun!

Which brings me to the only thing I like about them: They go by fast. And damned if they don't seem to be working. But is that enough? NO.

Yesterday I decided to arrive first and smile at everyone who entered the room. 12 people. Only 2 smiled back.

Still, that's 2. Maybe tomorrow there will be 3.

And next week, I might try laughing. Maybe they'll kick me out.


Melissa Sarno said...

There's no fun in barre class. Kind of like there's no crying in baseball.

kelly said...

Haha! Yesterday the only instructor I like came up to me and asked if I was "Kelly Simmons the writer." Said the director of the program noticed my name and said she'd read all my books and loved my work and wanted to meet me.

So now I LOVE BARRE! HAHAHA, I'm so f--king sore -- and my head is swollen!