Writing in the King's English

God knows I'm new at this publishing thing, but I recently learned the UK editors, who--god bless them, gave me a two-book deal--want Standing Still revised YET AGAIN for that market. And--they like the original title--Skylight. Does this make sense? Won't this confuse bi-countried couples like our friends Chris & Corrinne, who split their time between Nantucket and London? ( Of course i don't mind revision it again (HA!) I'm just speaking from a marketing perspective!) Luckily the London ladies appear to be twice as charming as their counterparts in New York. Probably just a cover--they are undoubtedly closet Word Dominatrices too (is that the plural?? geez, no wonder i need to be edited.)

What Makes Me Panic

1. Turbulent Airplanes Over Choppy Seas
2. My Daughters Hitting Puberty Simultaneously
3. Not Knowing What My Book Cover Will Look LIke

Standing Still, by Kelly Simmons

Questions:
1) Do I need Botox for my Author Photo?
2) If I don't like the book cover, should I tell them it looks like my daughter drew it?
3) Can you believe they just sent me the typeset pages just in time for . . .a holiday weekend?
4) Do publishers enjoy torturing authors, or is this just a natural by-product?

Final Revision? Who Will Torture Me Now?

oh is it possible? The Editor/Dominatrix claims I am done, and the book is going into copy editing.
What will i complain about now? Oh, I know: I can move on to being horrified and disturbed by the lack of publicity and marketing support, and the decline of reading in America. Or, here's an idea--I could stop complaining and write more pages in my new novel. Oh please, what fun would that be?????

Editing My Photo, Too? Will She Ask Me To Photo Shop Myself?

Good God. I have the world's most stunning professional photo, one in which I look fabulous witty and thin, and it is not acceptable because I am wearing glasses and not "letting the reader in."

But . . .um er uh, I, uh, wear glasses?

No I Take It Back

She moved the damn novel from January to February. I have literary whiplash.

The Editor/Dominatrix is Forgiven!!

Yes, yes, it's all peaches and cream now. Because she has sent the catalog copy for my book and it is so yummy and delicious I love her now no matter how much she whips me over my plot points.

She called my novel "a riveting debut" and other really literary things so i am going to overlook the fact that she has made my life a living hell!