Oh Little Starred Review of Bethlehem!

Yes, it's true: a starred review from Publishers Weekly. (And just when I'd stopped obsessively checking their website.) Among other nice things, they called STANDING STILL an "electrifying debut" and "the perfect read for a stormy night." I have been officially sound-bited!!! And how much do I love the word 'electrifying'? I'm going to shut up now because I sound like Sally Field.

Oh Blurber, Where Art Thou?

Before I went on vaca, I got the underwhelming news that no blurb would be on the back cover of my beautiful book.
(Kids, this is what happens when you don't get an MFA from a school with famous teachers/mentors, don't go to Breadloaf or Iowa or anywhere but soccer and gymnastics with your kids.) I only had a few "friends of friends" relationships with the kind of authors they wanted quotes from, so it was like flying blind. We put an excerpt from the book on the back cover instead, and luckily my agent helped me. It was just too much pressure, all the worry over the jacket. Now, we're waiting for reviews . . . and i'm living on bitten fingernails.

This Warms My Cold Hard Little Heart

The UK copyeditor told my Editor/Dominatrix that she was surprised my book was a first novel.
Now THAT makes me happy. (And it should make my US Editor/Dominatrix happy too--since
she pushed me beyond the brink of sanity!!) I guess with Paris Hilton & "Tony Soprano" as the
only public figures with panic disorder people don't expect intelligent well-spoken people to have it???
Hmm, I must ponder.

Everyone Hates My Photo

At a conference this weekend, an agent commented on my author photo looking a bit too much like Tina Fey. What is wrong with Tina Fey???? Now if they said I looked like Britney Spears in a pink wig, I'd be worried. I guess the problem is "funny"--no one wants me to look funny, i have to look serious. Which is damn near impossible for me.

The Cover is Coming, The Cover Is Coming!

At least I hope it is. My agent and I asked for a minor change/addition to the US cover, to make it just a teeny bit more haunting and evocative. Will they change it? Does an unknown neophyte's opinion matter? I'm guessing no.

Clone Me Now

Okay, why on earth didn't I take the handwritten additions I made to the proofreader's changes of my novel and type them all into my original manuscript? Because now all the minor tense changes and dialogue tags are coming back to bite me in the ass of the UK edition. I'm both revising and proofreading again, and my head, she spinneth. You know how you read about John Grisham or Barbara Cartland having like 2 assistants? This is why. You know what I need right now? No, not a drink, a hot intern.

Writing in the King's English

God knows I'm new at this publishing thing, but I recently learned the UK editors, who--god bless them, gave me a two-book deal--want Standing Still revised YET AGAIN for that market. And--they like the original title--Skylight. Does this make sense? Won't this confuse bi-countried couples like our friends Chris & Corrinne, who split their time between Nantucket and London? ( Of course i don't mind revision it again (HA!) I'm just speaking from a marketing perspective!) Luckily the London ladies appear to be twice as charming as their counterparts in New York. Probably just a cover--they are undoubtedly closet Word Dominatrices too (is that the plural?? geez, no wonder i need to be edited.)

What Makes Me Panic

1. Turbulent Airplanes Over Choppy Seas
2. My Daughters Hitting Puberty Simultaneously
3. Not Knowing What My Book Cover Will Look LIke

Standing Still, by Kelly Simmons

Questions:
1) Do I need Botox for my Author Photo?
2) If I don't like the book cover, should I tell them it looks like my daughter drew it?
3) Can you believe they just sent me the typeset pages just in time for . . .a holiday weekend?
4) Do publishers enjoy torturing authors, or is this just a natural by-product?

Final Revision? Who Will Torture Me Now?

oh is it possible? The Editor/Dominatrix claims I am done, and the book is going into copy editing.
What will i complain about now? Oh, I know: I can move on to being horrified and disturbed by the lack of publicity and marketing support, and the decline of reading in America. Or, here's an idea--I could stop complaining and write more pages in my new novel. Oh please, what fun would that be?????

Editing My Photo, Too? Will She Ask Me To Photo Shop Myself?

Good God. I have the world's most stunning professional photo, one in which I look fabulous witty and thin, and it is not acceptable because I am wearing glasses and not "letting the reader in."

But . . .um er uh, I, uh, wear glasses?

No I Take It Back

She moved the damn novel from January to February. I have literary whiplash.

The Editor/Dominatrix is Forgiven!!

Yes, yes, it's all peaches and cream now. Because she has sent the catalog copy for my book and it is so yummy and delicious I love her now no matter how much she whips me over my plot points.

She called my novel "a riveting debut" and other really literary things so i am going to overlook the fact that she has made my life a living hell!