1. You're not really a parent until someone drops a pumpkin on your toe.
2. Somewhere in a dark warehouse, all the ROAD WORK AHEAD signs are loaded onto trucks for use on the exact SAME DAY.
3. Recipes in all magazines shall contain either maple syrup, bacon, or butternut squash.
4. If you have no trick or treaters, it's a sign from God that you deserve to eat candy.
5. As leafblowers descend like Hell's Angels, you will mourn the sound of a rusting rake against a drying leaf.
6. Pecans toasting on a closed fire. Jack Frost nipping at the Pinot Noir.
7. It ain't over 'til it hits 68 degrees one. last. time.
8. You will be expected to be thankful at the precise same time you have to remove mountains of dead leaves from your lawn.
9. Someone very short will ask you what the pilgrims ate, and you won't remember.